Yesterday, my husband Leland and I called his elderly mom for our Sunday check-in. When she answered, her voice had that unmistakable groggy quality that immediately told us we’d interrupted a nap. Leland, ever considerate, asked if he’d woken her up.
“Oh no, no,” she said quickly, “I was just resting my eyes. You didn’t wake me.”
Resting my eyes. Classic.
We all knew she’d been napping. She knew, we knew. Yet there she was, instinctively deflecting, as if being caught sleeping during the day was somehow embarrassing. It struck me how familiar this response felt—how many times have I done the exact same thing?
This small interaction has been rolling around in my mind ever since, because it highlights something fascinating about our relationship with rest. Why do we feel compelled to deny something as natural and necessary as sleep? What is it about daytime rest that makes us feel like we need to apologize or make excuses?
The Great Nap Denial
Think about your last nap interruption. What did you say? I’m betting it was something like “I wasn’t really sleeping” or “just closed my eyes for a second” or “I just hadn’t talked for a little bit.” We’ve got a whole arsenal of nap-denial phrases ready to deploy at a moment’s notice.
We’ve somehow internalized the message that rest during daylight hours is a sign of laziness, lack of productivity, or moral failing. It’s as if we believe admitting to intentional rest will make others think less of us—we’ll be seen as indulgent or weak.
But here’s what really gets me: we live in a culture that simultaneously celebrates the “hustle” mentality while completely ignoring the mounting research about why our brains and bodies desperately need downtime. We’ll brag about pulling all-nighters and surviving on four hours of sleep, wearing our exhaustion like a designer handbag. Yet the moment someone catches us actually trying to remedy that exhaustion with a perfectly reasonable nap? Suddenly we’re making excuses faster than a teenager caught sneaking out.
The Productivity Paradox
The irony is almost laughable. In our quest to maximize productivity, we’re actually making ourselves less productive. We’ve bought into this idea that being constantly “on” equals success, but the science tells a completely different story.
Research published in neuroscience journals has shown that our brains have two primary modes: focused attention and what researchers call the “default mode network.” The default mode network activates when we’re not actively engaged in demanding cognitive tasks—when we’re daydreaming, letting our minds wander, or yes, even napping. Far from being “wasted” time, this is when our brains do some of their most important work: consolidating memories, making creative connections, and processing complex problems.
Dr. Marcus Raichle’s research found that this “resting” brain state consumes almost as much energy as active, focused thinking. In other words, rest isn’t the absence of brain activity—it’s a different kind of essential brain work. So much for the idea that napping equals laziness, right?
What If We Celebrated Rest Instead?
Imagine if, instead of apologizing for our afternoon nap, we responded with something like: “Yes! I was taking some time to recharge. It was exactly what I needed.” What if we treated intentional rest as smart self-management rather than some moral failing?
I’m starting to think that saying “I need a break” might actually be one of the most courageous things we can do in today’s always-on world. It requires us to push back against cultural expectations, to prioritize our well-being over others’ potential judgment, and to trust that taking care of ourselves ultimately makes us more effective, not less.
Your Brain on Rest (The Good Kind)
Some of our greatest insights come not when we’re grinding away at a problem, but when we step back and let our minds wander. How many times have you had a breakthrough idea in the shower, during a walk, or right as you’re falling asleep? That’s your default mode network doing its thing.
When we constantly stimulate our brains with activity, notifications, and mental demands—basically becoming caffeinated octopi of multitasking—we rob ourselves of these moments of connection and creativity. We become really efficient at being busy without necessarily being effective.
The Radical Act of Rest
What would happen if we started treating rest as an act of rebellion against a culture that profits from our exhaustion? What if we saw the decision to nap, to sit quietly, to let our minds wander as taking care of our most important asset—our minds?
I think about my mother-in-law, who has lived through decades of societal messaging about productivity and worth. Even in her golden years, she still feels the need to justify rest. But maybe it’s time for all of us—regardless of age—to start changing that narrative.
A Different Way Forward
The next time someone asks if they woke me from a nap, I’m going to try a different response: “You did, and it was wonderful. I was giving my brain exactly what it needed.” Because the truth is, rest isn’t the enemy of productivity—it’s the foundation of it.
Maybe it’s time we all found the courage to stop apologizing for taking care of ourselves. Our brains, our creativity, and our overall well-being depend on it. And if that’s not worth celebrating, I don’t know what is.
After all, in a world that never stops pinging, buzzing, and demanding our attention, choosing to pause might just be the bravest—and sanest—thing we can do. So here’s to all the secret nappers out there: may you find the courage to rest openly, nap proudly, and stop apologizing for giving your brain exactly what it needs.
Sweet dreams, whenever you choose to have them.
Reference:
Buckner, R. L., Andrews‐Hanna, J. R., & Schacter, D. L. (2008). The brain’s default network: anatomy, function, and relevance to disease. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1124(1), 1-38.