If it feels like everything is louder, sharper, and more polarized right now—you’re not imagining it.
In recent conversations, trainings, and messages, I keep hearing a version of the same question:
“What can we actually do to lower the heat?”
It’s an important question. And the good news is this: lowering the temperature isn’t just a matter of good intentions or hopeful slogans. There are concrete, neuroscience-informed ways to reduce escalation, interrupt polarization, and change how conflict unfolds—both individually and collectively.
This Isn’t New—and That Matters
First, a grounding truth: this moment is not unprecedented.
Human societies have always moved through cycles of cohesion and fracture. Understanding why those cycles occur is the first step toward interrupting them. Polarization typically begins when we start sorting the world into “us” and “them.” Once that divide takes hold, language shifts. We stop seeing individuals and start using labels, stereotypes, and shorthand that flatten complexity.
Neuroscience helps explain why this is so dangerous.
When we think about or interact with people we identify with, the medial prefrontal cortex—the area of the brain associated with empathy, perspective-taking, and moral reasoning—activates reliably. When we perceive someone as part of an outgroup, that same region activates less consistently. In practical terms, the brain is doing less of the work required to see the other person as fully human.
That neural shift opens the door to behaviors that would otherwise feel unthinkable.
What Decades of Research Tell Us
One of the most illuminating demonstrations of this process is the Robbers Cave Experiment conducted in the 1950s. Researchers showed how quickly ordinary people could be divided into ingroups and outgroups—and how rapidly hostility could escalate between them.
But the most important part of the experiment came after the conflict emerged.
The researchers discovered that competition and argument did not reduce hostility. In fact, they intensified it. What did work were two specific interventions:
- Superordinate goals: getting people from opposing groups to work together on a problem neither group could solve alone
- Rehumanization through commonality: creating conditions where shared experiences, needs, and values became visible
When these conditions were present, hostility decreased, cooperation increased, and former “outsiders” were gradually reclassified as part of the ingroup. This is neuroplasticity in action—the brain recalibrating in response to new experiences.
Why Arguing Rarely Works
One of the most persistent myths of polarized times is that the right argument will change minds.
Decades of behavioral and neuroscience research tell a different story. When someone holds a deeply felt belief and experiences challenge as threat, the nervous system shifts into defense. Under those conditions, facts are filtered, empathy narrows, and identity becomes more rigid. Arguing doesn’t persuade—it often entrenches division.
From a de-escalation standpoint, debate is frequently the wrong tool for the moment.
From Understanding to Action: De-Escalation Training
This is where my work comes in.
Lowering the heat requires skill, not just goodwill. Effective de-escalation training is grounded in neuroscience and focuses on practical, learnable capacities, including:
- Understanding how threat and identity activate the nervous system
- Recognizing early signs of escalation—both internal and external
- Learning how language, tone, posture, and pacing affect neural responses
- Reducing “us vs. them” dynamics before they ignite
- Designing shared goals that rebuild cooperation across divides
This work is embodied and real-world focused. It doesn’t ask people to avoid disagreement; it changes the conditions under which disagreement occurs. We work with leaders, organizations, communities, and unions in environments where stakes are high—helping people practice skills so they’re available when pressure is on.
This Will Take All of Us
Lowering the temperature of this moment will take collective effort:
- Holding back from reflexive blame
- Becoming curious about how our own brains respond to threat
- Learning new ways to connect across difference
- Equipping those in power with tools that de-escalate rather than inflame
This isn’t about pretending conflict doesn’t exist. It’s about meeting conflict with a deeper understanding of how humans actually work.
If you’d like to explore how this work applies to your organization or community—or begin building real de-escalation capacity where you are—I’m here.
We have work to do.
And we can do it—together.
— Carol Barkes